It’s the most wonderful moment of your life – becoming a parent. But there are things that nobody speaks about, nobody really tells you about what the future has in store for you. So here are ten things that you probably didn’t see coming!
Your favourite clothes will all have a €2 sized indelible white patch on the shoulder
Baby burps. They’re toxic – particularly to silk, cashmere and cotton – basically anything that you might put in the category of ‘good clothes’. Oh sure, you’ll try burping them with a tea towel on your shoulder and that’ll be fine until they’re windy and you’re off on a rare night out. Who knew babies burped up bleach?
When people say you’re looking well they silently think ‘…considering’
Which is to say considering what you’ve been through. Considering the fact that having to look after a small incapable human is not a full time job – it’s a twenty four hour, seven days a week sentenc!. Which means that the normal social niceties such as washing your hair or, I dunno, getting dressed tend to take second place to your newly arrived jailer.
You can survive on four hours sleep a night
Well ‘survive’ is probably stretching the point, but you can function on that little sleep. You have to because that’s pretty much all the sleep you’re going to get for the foreseeable future. So get used to grabbing power naps when you can.
You will know at least one book off by heart
Repetition, there’s nothing like it to get things into your brain. So once the sleep deprivation wears off and you start to read stories to the apple of your eye, the repetition begins. The same story. Again. And again. And again. Until you can read ‘The Cat in the Hat’ without once looking at the page.
Every movie you will see will be animated
And probably in 3D. Because the only time you will ever get to the cinema will be with your child. Let’s face it, it would be a waste of a babysitter anyway and while we’re on the subject…
…there are no babysitters
You think – we’ll be grand – sure whatshername from down the road will do it. But she won’t. Because unlike you she actually has a social life. She’ll be available during the week all right, but you’ll be too tired after work and the rest to want to go out then.
The joy of first steps is followed by the fear
The fear of them falling over. The fear of them opening cupboards. The fear of them running away from you. The fear that they may come back. Because in all honesty the only thing worse than an immobile infant is a fully mobile toddler who, unlike you, knows no fear.
You will invent new and unexpected ways to describe going to the toilet
Because toddlers who are toilet training need six million different ways to describe their bodily functions – it keeps them on their toes (though admittedly that’s not where you want them during this period of their lives)
You will wave at buses and trains
And pretty much any vehicle that is driven by a professional – including distracting paramedics as they zoom past in their ambulances, sirens flashing. Why? Well that’s anyone’s guess but it seems to keep the kids happy.
You will become your parents
Why? Because when you become a parent yourself you finally realise that they were right. They did know more than you. It’s stupid to do stupid things and above all, you’ll be sorry and you’ll only have yourself to blame.
All of which goes to prove that you can’t predict the future, you can try to be prepared for whatever it might throw at you. We know that you’re busy but take two minutes to see how we can help you protect what matters most with Irish Life Family Protection.