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25 lies all Irish parents tell their kids to make life easier

One thing no one tells you about becoming a parent is that you will magically transform into the world’s biggest fibber.  Regardless of whether you were the most honest and moral human being before having children, those little ones will soon turn you into a real life Pinocchio.

We all know that it’s wrong to lie – “honesty is the best policy” and all that. But when you have kids, stretching the truth a little can make life 100% easier.

And here are a few of our favourite ‘convenient mis-truths’…

  1. “You wouldn’t like this chocolate bar. It’s really spicy.” (I’m not giving you any of this delicious chocolatey goodness.)

  1. “The toy shop is closed today.” (I can’t be arsed going near Smyths today.)

  1. “You must have lost that [really loud, annoying] toy.” (I chucked it when you were sleeping. I regret nothing.)

  1. “It’s bed time.” (I hope you never learn to tell the time because it’s 7pm and I need some peace.)

  1. “We’re almost there.” (We’ve another hour left of this car journey but you’re doing my head in.)

  1. “I won’t hurt.” (If the doctor was going to jab a needle that size in my backside, I’d be screaming too.)

  1. “You can’t get that toy in Ireland.” (Those bloody toy adverts on kids TV are going to bankrupt me.)

  1. “If you don’t come with me right now I’m leaving without you.” (I know I would never do that but I can’t deny that I’m tempted.)

  1. “Is that Santa? Hiya, it’s Jack’s mum. I thought you’d like to know that he’s not eating his broccoli.” (*phones child’s grandad and asks him to pretend to be Santa to enforce vegetable consumption*)

  1. “And they all lived happily ever after.” (This bed time story is dragging on and I want to go downstairs and watch TV)

  1. “It’s just chicken.” (Lol. It’s a red pepper but your taste buds aren’t developed enough to understand the difference.)

  1. “We’ll see.” (It’s a definite no but we’re in a public place and I can’t deal with the inevitable tantrum right now)

  1. “Your sweets? Oh they went bad and I had to throw them in the bin.” (They were delicious when I poured them into my mouth.)

  1. “Sorry honey, the battery in my iPhone is dead.” (It’s mine and I don’t want you to have it.)

  1. “Your dad is the best at maths homework. Go ask him to help you.” (*evil laugh*)

  1. “I didn’t bring any money with me.” (I’m not spending €3 another Sofia The First magazine.)

  1. “I don’t know how to play that Xbox game.” (That game is extremely annoying. Leave me alone.)

  1. “You WERE definitely the best in your school play.” (Your performance as crowd member no.34 wasn’t exactly Oscar worthy but I’ll humour you because you’re adorable.)

  1. “The internet turns off every night at 7pm.” (Get off the iPad and get ready for bed)

  1. “I’m telling your teacher.” (Your teacher probably doesn’t care and I have no intention of telling her.)

  1. “We’ll come back tomorrow.” (I’m going to pray that you forget about this between now and tomorrow.)

  1. “If you tell the truth, you won’t get in trouble.” (You’re in trouble. I just want to know the truth.)

  1. “I’m going to turn this car around if you two don’t stop fighting.” (We’re almost there. As much as I would love to go home, it’s not worth it.)

  1. “We weren’t talking about you.” (Of course it’s about you. We’re you’re parents. You’re pretty much all we talk about.)

  1. “I don’t know.” (Stop asking so many questions.)

This entry was posted in: Lifestyle


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