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What is it about pregnancy that prompts people to ask the most inappropriate questions? Anyone who has ever been pregnant will understand the odd phenomenon of strangers touching your belly and work colleagues asking about your sex life.
Although most people mean well when enquiring about your pregnancy, sometimes their unsolicited advice and comments can be downright offensive.
As no two pregnancies are ever the same, it’s best never to assume or to ask a questions you wouldn’t ask a non-pregnant person. But if you’re still not entirely sure where the line is, here are somethings you should absolutely NEVER say to a pregnant woman if you value your life.
1. “Was it planned?”
Do you mean, was I acting like a careless teenager with my contraceptive or is this child the result of a regrettable drunken one night stand? What a lovely way to say congratulations. Quit the judgement and mind your own business.
2. “Get all the sleep you can now!”
Because that’s exactly how it works. If I sleep loads in the next few months, I won’t ever be tired when the baby arrives.
3. “Are you sure you should eat that?”
If you keep talking I’m going to eat you. If it’s not your pregnancy, it’s none of your business what a pregnant woman chooses to eat or do when she’s expecting.
4. “That’s an… interesting name.”
Thanks for your feedback John. Although we’re casual acquaintances who have never had a conversation past five minutes, I’ll be sure to consult you when it comes to naming the next one.
5. “My friend Karen gained half a stone during her pregnancy. She left the hospital in her skinny jeans and lost all the baby weight in two months.”
Good for Karen, does she want a medal?
6. “Does it ever freak you out that there’s something living and moving around inside your stomach?”
Every second of every day but that’s kinda how pregnancy works.
7. “You’re having a boy, I can just tell by the shape your bump.”
Ok great. We’ll buy some blue paint for the nursery then because your gut feeling is a dead cert.
8. “It’s going to be such hard work. I remember when we brought home our puppy. The sleep deprivation drove us mad.”
Word of advice – don’t ever compare having a baby to looking after a pet. Two very different things.
9. “Enjoy (insert activity here) while you can! You’ll miss it when the baby arrives.”
Oh yes, I forgot every bit of fun is drained from your life when the baby arrives.
10. “Can I touch your belly?”
No. Just no.
11. “Are you not absolutely terrified of how much it’s going to hurt? My friend Amy’s cousin’s wife’s labour lasted 48 hours and she still can’t go to the toilet without screaming.”
What?! I thought labour was this totally pain free, peaceful experience where the baby is just magically teleported from your womb to the outside world. *eyeroll* Yes, I’m petrified. Please stop talking about it.
12. “Oh, I absolutely loved being pregnant. I never felt more healthy or beautiful.”
Good for you. I feel like an ever-expanding, sweaty balloon.
13. “I can’t picture you as a mother.”
Thanks so much for your vote of confidence. I guess I’ll just keep the baby up there until you think I’m ‘ready’.
14. “You’re going to breastfeed, aren’t you?”
Wow, I didn’t know that what I do with my boob and my baby is any of your business.
15. “My god! The size of you – are you sure it’s not twins?”
Hilarious. Invite me to your next stand up gig so I can howl at the rest of your side splitting gags.
16. “You’re having a home birth? Are you sure that’s safe? Didn’t you see that episode of Emmerdale where the woman gave birth at home and lost so much blood that she died?”
Yes, that’s why I’m doing it. I’m a total thrill-seeker.
17. “Is it the hormones?”
Do not utter the H word to a tired and emotional pregnant woman unless you fancy sustaining an injury from her fluid-filled swollen foot.
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