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Being a parent is a wonderful, joyous, lifechanging experience. It’s also weird, strange and even disgusting at times, leading you to do things that you never in a million years thought you would be doing – like catching your child’s vomit with your bare hands.
Below is a list of things that only mothers do. If you have kids, you’ll probably chuckle ‘yep’ at each of these, if not, here is a taste of what to expect if you ever do decide to have children one day. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
- Not having a name anymore. Being known as mammy, referring to yourself as mammy and having others (including your partner) refer to you as mammy.
- Running away and hiding to eat a snack so you don’t have to share it.
- Teaching another living human how to use a toilet.
- Not thinking twice about going outside the house with a baby puke stain/pee on your top.
- Being a master of the ‘lift and sniff’. For those who don’t have kids, this is the practice of lifting your baby’s bum to your face and sniffing it to check if their nappy is full. Which you know it is.
- Tasting a brown stain on your child to check if it’s chocolate or poo.
- Finding yourself watching your child’s cartoon after they’ve left the room and being genuinely interested in what’s going to happen next.
- Rocking yourself back and forth to soothe the baby even when you don’t have the baby and you’re completely alone.
- Cheering when your child poos. And then sending celebratory pictures of your child’s poo to your partner.
- Picking your child’s nose.
- Eating their food scraps. Sometimes even the half chewed up ones.
- Fishing a poo out of the bath.
- Fishing toys out of the toilet.
- Cherishing time alone in the toilet.
- Cleaning your child’s face with your own spit.
- Dancing and singing in front of your child in a way that you would never do in front of another human.
- Not really caring about getting peed on.
- Using your hands as a bin for your child’s chewed up food or something they’ve put in their mouth and decided is yucky.
- Cleaning a dirty dummy by sticking it in your own mouth.
- Taking a drink of your child’s drink even though you know it’s 95% backwash.
What weird and wonderful things do you do as a mother? Let us know by using the hashtag #MyIrishLife
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